Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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