thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
