one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
