I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
