I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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