he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
