I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
