im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
