JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
