he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
