this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
