why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
