He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
