Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
