My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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