..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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