he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
