woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
