The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i love accidental penises.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
