kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
