is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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