Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
