Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think your dad took our porno
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
that may or may not have been my penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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