I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
