Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
