Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
