hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
