and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You ate ashes out of my bong
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
