the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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