Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
