The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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