i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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