I think I won the penis lottery.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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