Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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