And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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