I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
