I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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