you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
COCAINE IS GR8
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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