I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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