she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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