I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
