Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
