Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
