I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
