mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
