i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
