Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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