But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
