Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
