do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
