Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
